Alien Abduction for Professionals Read online

  One of his ears stroked my chin and I laughed. "Aren't you the cutest little bunny," I cooed.

  "Tribitt," Matar corrected. "Have you thought of a name yet?"

  "No, but I think I'll discuss that with all of you later. If this is going to be our family pet, we should all have a say."

  "Family pet?" he repeated slowly. "I like the sound of that. Family."

  I would have hugged him if I didn't have a snuggle tribitt in my arms. I didn't want to squeeze him to death between Matar and me, but I made a mental note to give him that hug later. Maybe paired with a kiss.

  "What now?" I asked.

  "Are you hungry?"

  "Nope, not in the slightest. That cake has made me so full that I don't think I need any food for the next week or so."

  He laughed. "And I bet you'll want another piki cake then?"

  "You know me so well." I grinned at him. "Is there anything you'd like to buy?"

  "Giving you that tribitt has been enough. I don't need anything for myself."

  "It's not about needing something. Shopping is all about treating yourself to something you want rather than need."

  "Yes, I think I remember Professor Katila saying that. But what if all I want is to spoil my little human mate?"

  Warmth spread through my chest and it had nothing to do with the furry animal pressed against me.

  "Then maybe I should spoil you... if I had any money." I sighed. "Not having a job and my own money sucks. I hate relying on you for everything. I don't get why the IGU won't pay me like it does you. I'm part of the case study, aren't I? I should be reimbursed for my troubles, too."

  "You're right. As much as I love to care for everything you may desire, I understand the desire to be independent. Maybe we should all give you a share of our pay. That way, it's like a salary from the IGU, even if they don't pay you themselves."

  I frowned. "I suppose that would be a good solution. And next time we speak to Professor Katila, I might demand that she pay me if she wants me to co-operate."

  "I wouldn't suggest that," Matar said with a sigh. "I've heard stories of her being quite nasty to people who didn't follow her rules. Everyone thinks she's kind and benign because she's a Karangi, but there's something cold behind those three pretty eyes."

  "Well, if you're going to pay me my salary, that means I can buy you something now." I smiled. "And I know just the thing."

  "Trish!" a familiar voice called from behind me.

  I swirled around to see Xil and Havel make their way through the busy crowd. A group of very tall aliens that reminded me of humanoid giraffes stood in their way, but when Xil glared at them, they hastily stepped aside.

  They didn't see the little tribitt until they finally reached us, which explained the shocked looks on their faces.

  "A pet?" Havel asked before his surprised expression turned into one of adoration. "It's soooo cute! Can I hold it?"

  "It's a male," I grinned and handed the green bunny to Havel.

  "You've adopted another male?" Xil growled. "Aren't three enough for you?"

  I stared at him, but then his scowl cracked and a wide smile appeared on his face.

  "Just messing with you. He's adorable. I wondered if you'd buy one after we'd talked about it a while back. I wasn't sure if you'd remember."

  "I couldn't resist." I watched as Havel petted the tribitt, rubbing it between its ears. The furry creature purred and sighed in contentment. Awwww. So cute. I was dying of cuteness.

  "Does he have a name?" Havel asked, repeating Matar's earlier question.

  "No, let's do that later. What did you guys buy?"

  Xil didn't meet my eyes. "I'll show you back on the Jade. Let's not do it in public."

  "Yeah, let's not," Havel chuckled. "But I can show you mine."

  He handed the tribitt to Xil, who immediately grinned goofily and started muttering to the animal. The tribitt seemed to be enchanting everyone. I had no idea why they'd gone out of fashion. I couldn't imagine a cuter pet.

  "Hold out your hand," Havel asked and rummaged in his pockets.

  Curiously, I did as he'd asked. Had he bought some kind of bracelet for me? Or a ring? Was he going to-

  He pulled out a wrist communicator, similar to the ones he and the other guys wore, but smaller and on a leather armband rather than metal. Small pearls had been woven into the material, turning it into jewellery. He slid it over my wrist and fastened it.

  "We can set it up on the ship, but I thought it was time for you to have one. You'll be able to control everything on the Jade, communicate with us and whoever else you want, watch those Periton videos you like, use it to-"

  I hugged him tightly, pressing a kiss on his cheek. "It's perfect. Thank you."

  He wrapped his arms around me and pressed me tight against his chest. I breathed in his scent and wished we were on the Jade already. I needed to thank him and Matar for their gifts, plus I was curious about what Xil had got for me. It had to be something naughty if he couldn't show it in public.

  "Maybe I give you mine now so I can get a hug, too," Xil grumbled from behind me.

  I laughed and took the tribitt from him. "Later. I promise. What else is on our shopping list?"

  My new little pet yawned and wiggled its head into my armpit. Its ears were flat against its head and its eyes slowly fluttered close. Despite the noise around us, it had fallen asleep. No idea how it did that, but I guessed he was used to being surrounded by noise and people. He might even get scared on the Jade where it was a lot quieter, with only the hum of the engines and our voices. Sometimes music, too, but I didn't care much for the Kardarian rock the guys loved so much, and I hadn't been able to convince them of listening to Earth music, either.

  "Clothes for you," Xil said. "And we should get some parts for the ship. Matar, that's your job. Didn't you say you needed some kind of special bolts?"

  "I did," Matar replied grudgingly, clearly not happy about it. "But can't we get them together after we've been clothes shopping?"

  "You've already had alone time with Trish," Havel snarled. I looked at him in surprise. Why was he so angry?

  Xil put a large hand on my shoulder and steered me away from Matar and Havel. "Let's get you some clothes. I saw this Ferven female earlier with a very fabric-less outfit. It reminded me of that lingerie you told us about."

  I laughed when I remembered how they'd tried to make their own lingerie once. In a misguided attempt to seduce me, they'd cut holes in their clothing. I still didn't know how they could have been that stupid, but I believed it was due to the ridiculous lessons the Intergalactic University had taught them. A lot of what they knew about humans was wrong. Very wrong. Hell, they didn't even get the name of our planet right. They called it Peritus, although apparently it had been given that name long before the first life had developed on Earth. Still, it felt weird to call good old Earth by another name.

  "Shall we get you some?" Xil asked eagerly.

  I shook my head but stopped immediately when the tribitt started mewing in his sleep.

  "I think I could do with some proper clothes. You know, jeans, shirts, jumpers, maybe even some bras. But nothing too fancy.” It's not like we were meeting a lot of other people. I grinned at the thought of other spaceships docking with the Jade in space so we could have a cup of tea with random aliens.

  While the guys had some friends outside of their trio, most of them were back on their planet, just like their family. One day, we were going to travel to Kardar so I could meet their parents, but not yet. Kardar was far from Earth - Peritus - and we had better things to do. That's what Xil said, anyway. He hated his father, but I didn't know why. He'd only mentioned his mother once or twice, and I hadn't wanted to pry. He'd tell me at some point, I knew that. We had no secrets from each other, but some things didn't have to be discussed.

  The guys led me to a row of clothes stalls. I gaped at the garments. Of course, I should have known that I wouldn't find any Earth clothes here, but it was still a sh
ock to see how different everything was. A shirt to my left had four armholes and it shimmered in all colours of the rainbows even though I could swear that it was white. Something that looked like a hoodie for a two-headed species had an inbuilt screen, showing text in an alien language on its front. Advertising, a political message, quotes from a song? I couldn't read it.

  Xil flagged down a little AI globe - I'd seen other aliens use them - and asked it to lead us to a shop catering to humans. The ball whizzed away and we hurried to follow it through the narrowing walkways until we got to a rather sorry looking area. Barely any shoppers, dusty stalls, depressed sellers. Not exactly what I'd hoped for.

  "Maybe we should go back," Havel suggested. "This looks seedy."

  "Stall 429Y has the best clothes for humanoids," the AI chirped, sounding almost offended. "Please take a look."

  It stopped above a lacklustre shop that had clearly seen better days. While other stalls used flashing lights, signs, garish colours and sexy shop assistants to lure in the crowds, this one had nothing but a tired looking alien with one large eye and no nose. The rest of him looked somewhat human in the sense that he only had two arms and two legs, without tentacles, tails or talons. After seeing dozens of different alien species today, I’d gained a new perspective on what was possible.

  Xil pointed at a dark green blouse. "This would suit you. Plus, it matches the tribitt."

  "And me," Matar grinned. "I love seeing you in my colour."

  "You should also get something in yellow and blue then," Havel insisted immediately. "No favouritism."

  "We don't stock yellow," the shop owner said in a monotonous, tired voice. "But we do have various blue shades. How about this skirt?"

  He rummaged in a stack of barely folded clothing and pulled out a monstrosity of a skirt. It looked like a dishevelled chicken and a blueberry had a baby. And then added lots of frills. It was so ugly that it could probably count as fashion somewhere in the galaxy.

  "No, thanks," I muttered. "Do you have any jeans?"

  "Jeans?" he asked, clearly not recognising the word. Maybe my translator didn't know that.

  I sighed. "Trousers, thick cloth, hard to destroy. Usually blue. Do you have anything like that?"

  "Wouldn't you prefer something more flattering?" the alien insisted and held up a see-through blouse that would have barely covered my boobs.

  "It would suit you," Havel whispered from behind me. I elbowed him in the stomach, and he groaned. "Alright, go with something else instead. But it would still look great on you."

  I sighed. "Is there somewhere I could try on some of these?"

  The cyclops nodded towards his right. "There's a changing pod over there."

  I handed the tribitt to Matar and randomly grabbed a couple of items, not convinced I'd like any of them. Still, I didn't want to disappoint the guys by being too choosy. After all, we'd walked for ages to get to this stall and I didn't want to stay in this seedy area any longer than I had to.

  The changing pod looked a bit like a port-a-loo, just more space-y. A silver door slid open when I approached, revealing a small room with mirrored walls. As soon as I stepped inside, the door closed. A light above me flickered into life, but even so, I felt a little claustrophobic without a window. Yup, just like a port-a-loo.

  I quickly undressed and tried on the first shirt. It wasn't too bad, although it wasn't flattering in the slightest. I'd take it anyway, just to have something to show for. This shopping trip wouldn't be for nothing. The two pairs of trousers both didn't fit, although I might be able to wear the looser ones with a belt. I should check the stall if they had any. The puke-coloured jumper I'd grabbed was surprisingly comfortable. It looked horrendous, but it was warm and soft. The Jade was usually warm enough to walk around in t-shirts, but who knew when we might visit a colder planet. Better to be prepared.

  The final item was a tank top that I wouldn't have chosen if I'd had given it a proper look. It ended above my navel and together with its extremely low cleavage, it didn't leave much to the imagination. The fabric's feel reminded me of neoprene except that it was thinner. My nipples poked through the fabric. Definitely not something I'd wear in public, and if the guys saw me wearing it, I wouldn't keep it on for long. They'd rip it off my body before ravishing me where I stood. Yes, I was speaking from experience.

  Suddenly, the pod shook, and I stumbled back against the wall. The cabin swayed, leaning to one side as if someone was trying to push it over from outside.

  "Hey, I'm in here!" I shouted as loud as I could. "Stop that!"

  Nobody replied, but the movement continued. I dropped to my knees, feeling safer close to the floor. A lurch made me gasp. The pod was being pulled into the air. Fuck. What the bloody hell was happening here?

  "Stop!" I cried. "Help!"

  It was useless. The pod swayed as if it was swinging in the air. Were they transporting it somewhere else? This couldn't be happening. How did a shopping trip turn into this? All I could hope for was that this was an honest mistake and not an abduction. I doubted I'd ever come across abductors as friendly and cute as mine again.

  Fuck. I continued shouting, but nobody heard me. Or if they did, they didn't care.

  With nothing else to do, I put on my own clothes again, then wrapped my arms around my knees and hoped that my guys would find me soon.

  Havel

  “Shouldn’t she be back by now?” I asked, checking the time. “It’s been ages.”

  “Females can take a while when trying on clothes,” the Brontes said, looking unconcerned.

  We declined. If his refreshments were the same quality as his stall, we'd likely end up with food poisoning.

  "Maybe ping her communicator," Xil suggested. "Just to check if she needs help deciding."

  My present for her was already coming in handy. I'd made the right choice, even though it had taken me forever to decide.

  I dialled her communicator's ID and waited for her to respond. I hadn't shown her how to use it yet, but all she had to do to pick up a call was press one very obvious button or use voice control. I'd made sure the device had human English installed as a language.

  "The changing rooms are data-insulated," the Brontes told me. Was that a smirk on his thick lips? "We don't want customers to be disturbed while trying on clothes. It's an intimate process, after all."

  That didn't make sense to me, but I didn't know much about fashion. I bought my clothes in bulk and put on whatever was on top of the stack in my wardrobe. Now that we were part of Professor Katila's case study, we had to wear slightly more formal clothes, but Trish had assured me that my black garments would be fine.

  We waited for a little while longer until I couldn't stand it any longer.

  "I'm going to check on her," I announced and headed off to where we'd last seen Trish. She'd disappeared behind the stall, but when I scanned the dirty, rubbish-strewn area at the back of the shops, there was no changing pod. Strange. A few doors led away from the main shopping area into the belly of the space station, but those were out of bounds and likely locked. She wouldn't have gone into one of them. So where was Trish?

  I called out to the others, but they were already close behind me.

  "Where is she?" Matar asked and sniffed the air. "I can smell her scent, she's been here, but where did she disappear to?"

  "Let's ask that Brontes," Xil growled. "He can lead us to that mysterious changing pod."

  A strangely muffled cry made me look up just in time to see a silver pod disappear through a hatch in the ceiling.

  Someone had taken Trish.

  I exchanged a look with the guys and without another word, we broke into a run.

  It took us way too long to reach the nearest elevator. It took even longer for the warden to understand why we wanted to go to the platform above even though none of the shops there were currently open. By the time we finally burst out of the lift, my heart was racing. My fangs were fully extended, ready to rip into whoever had taken our Trish.r />
  I checked my communicator. "Five life signs further ahead. One of them human."

  We ran as fast as we could, Xil in the lead, Matar and I flanking him. Matar's tail was wrapped around his waist so as not to get in the way, but I knew he'd use it to fight our enemies as soon as we got close. The three of us had trained together. Yes, we'd been traders before we'd started our Alien Abduction for Beginners course, but that didn't mean we didn't know how to fight. On Kardar, every youngling learned how to defend themselves. Hatcheries taught combat skills in addition to academic subjects. With three sentient species living on the same planet, there had been many wars in the past. Right now, an unsteady peace kept everyone in check, but I was sure that one day, Kardarians would have to fight again.

  The platform lay deserted, only a few lamps illuminating our path. Empty stalls, the tables covered in grey fabric, gave it a ghostly feel. Dust covered the ground. I didn't know why this platform was no longer used, but it was the perfect hideout for whoever had stolen Trish from us. It was lucky the elevator warden had agreed to take us here. Involving the station security would have taken way too long.

  We sprinted in silence, faster than we'd ever run before. Finally, a silver pod glinted in the distance. My fangs poked my bottom lip as adrenaline pumped through me. Battle lust threatened to overwhelm me even though we hadn't even seen the abductors yet.

  While running, I took a look at the communicator again. The life signs were moving away from us, but we were faster. It wouldn't be long before they came into sight.